


A Compromise with Death

by virdant



Series: Tumblr Prompts [3]
Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett, Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Crack, Humor, Loss of Limbs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-08-06 09:37:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16385513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/virdant/pseuds/virdant
Summary: Death visits Hannibal mid-butchering, and they come to a compromise.





	A Compromise with Death

**Author's Note:**

> From anthropologicalhands' prompt of: "Here's a delightfully cracky idea: DEATH (yes, from Discworld) comes for Hannibal and they chat a bit before his untimely demise."
> 
> Me being me, I wrote prompt-adjacent.
> 
> Originally [posted on tumblr here](https://virdant.tumblr.com/post/176222062446/heres-a-delightfully-cracky-idea-death-yes)

Hannibal was halfway through sawing off the arm when a stranger appeared in his basement cellar, peering thoughtfully at the now-missing-an-arm corpse.

OH, the stranger said, in all capital letters. I WAS EXPECTING THE ARM TO BE FULLY ATTACHED.

“Hello,” Hannibal replied, because discourtesy was unspeakably ugly, and strangers appearing in his cellar was no excuse to forget his manners. “May I assist you?”

The stranger contemplated the corpse. It had been a healthy, if rude, young lady in its past. Fair-haired and blue-eyed, with what would have been considered good bone-structure if she was not missing an arm. She had, on multiple occasions, splashed her way into the lap lanes, hitting Hannibal multiple times. He had seen fit to remove said arm.

DID YOU REALIZE SHE IS MISSING AN ARM? the stranger asked. After a moment, he added, HELLO.

“I believe it’s still partially attached,” Hannibal replied politely.

YOU HAVE A LOVELY HOME, the stranger added.

Mollified, Hannibal smiled politely back. “Thank you.”

VERY NICE BONE SAWS.

“Amazon has a lovely selection.”

VERY SHARP.

“I sharpen the blades when necessary.”

The stranger studied the corpse. A VERY CLEAN CUT, he said. IT IS A BIT DISTRACTING TO HAVE IT FLAPPING ABOUT LIKE THAT THOUGH.

“I can finish removing it momentarily,” Hannibal offered, politely.

THANK YOU.

Hannibal finished sawing off the arm, cutting neatly through the bone. He wrapped the meat in wax paper, tying it off and storing it to freeze. He washed his hands and patted them dry before returning to the stranger. 

DO YOU DO THIS OFTEN?

Hannibal said, “I prefer offal over limbs, usually.”

The stranger said, IF YOU COULD SEW THEM BACK UP AFTERWARDS, THAT WILL MAKE THINGS LESS MESSY.

“Of course,” Hannibal agreed. “May I see you out?”

And in the shadows of his cellar, Hannibal unlocked his door and politely saw to it that DEATH made it safely back to his horse with the recently deceased in tow.

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos always appreciated!
> 
> enjoyed this? [reblog on tumblr](https://virdant.tumblr.com/post/176222062446/heres-a-delightfully-cracky-idea-death-yes)   
> want to talk writing? [follow me on tumblr](https://virdant.tumblr.com/) | [follow me on twitter](https://twitter.com/virdant)


End file.
